2400 Jokes to Brighten Your Speeches

2400 Jokes to Brighten Your Speeches

Robert Orben

Language: English

Pages: 0

ISBN: 0879804254

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub

2400 Jokes to Brighten Your Speeches

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“R-E-L-I-E-F”—and was marked wrong. You can’t blame parents for being discouraged. I went up to an instructor and said, “Are you the new English teacher?” She said, “I are.” A lot of people are critical of modern education but at least a kid can watch a story about the Civil War on television without having his pleasure destroyed because he knows how it ends. ELECTIONS They say that, for the taxpayer, every election is a gamble. That’s ridiculous. When you gamble there’s a chance you can

hadn’t been sitting in front of the TV! I call them my “garden exercises.” I start off fresh as a daisy and five minutes later I’m bushed! I don’t wanna brag, but every morning I get up and my mind sends this message to my body: “Do fifty knee bends; a hundred push-ups; and run sixteen miles!” Then my body sends a message right back to my mind. It says: “Who? Me?” The whole idea of deep breathing is you take the good air into your lungs and you push the bad air out. Now you might ask: “How do

seventy-six is a very important date in world history. It marks one of the last revolutions that was ever fought without Cuban involvement. The Declaration of Independence is a large stately document superbly structured, magnificently written, and beautifully produced—which carried to King George III a simple two-word message: No way! The Fourth of July calls for something stirring, something patriotic, something really unusual—like Barbara Walters singing, “I Wuv a Pawade!” I loved the Fourth

said hello to Howard Cosell. UNUSUAL OUTFIT: That’s what I call a class action suit. It has a lot more action than class. WHEN A JOKE DIES: Did you ever get the feeling your talent is on HOLD? WHEN RECEIVING AN HONOR: Thank you very much for this valued award. I want you all to know that you have given me 100% of the daily adult requirement of happiness. WHEN SOMEONE SAYS OR DOES SOMETHING INAPPROPRIATE: I’m just glad I’m wearing this watch. It’s shockproof. WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG: Darn!

experience and that’s right. I saw a freight train go off the track on the Six O’Clock News—and darned if it didn’t happen again on the Seven O’Clock News. I’m fascinated by “60 Minutes.” It’s the only show on television where seconds and people get ticked off. If you have a little lisp, Your speaking voice it alters; Consider all whose words are crisp— Passed by for Barbara Walters! I can’t help but wonder if life wouldn’t be a lot better if we could live it in one-hour segments—with a

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