All in the Timing: Fourteen Plays

All in the Timing: Fourteen Plays

David Ives

Language: English

Pages: 336

ISBN: 067975928X

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub

The world according to David Ives is a very add place, and his plays constitute a virtual stress test of the English language -- and of the audience's capacity for disorientation and delight. Ives's characters plunge into black holes called "Philadelphias," where the simplest desires are hilariously thwarted. Chimps named Milton, Swift, and Kafka are locked in a room and made to re-create Hamlet. And a con man peddles courses in a dubious language in which "hello" translates as "velcro" and "fraud" comes out as "freud."

At once enchanting and perplexing, incisively intelligent and side-splittingly funny, this original paperback edition of Ives's plays includes "Sure Thing," "Words, Words, Words," "The Universal Language," "Variations on the Death of Trotsky," "The Philadelphia," "Long Ago and Far Away," "Foreplay, or The Art of the Fugue," "Seven Menus," "Mere Mortals," "English Made Simple," "A Singular Kinda Guy," "Speed-the-Play," "Ancient History," and "Philip Glass Buys a Loaf of Bread."

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drugstore and you don’t have any aspirin? AL: Did they have Bufferin? MARK: Yeah! AL: Advil? MARK: Yeah! AL: Extra-strength Tylenol? MARK: Yeah! AL: But no aspirin. MARK: No! AL: Wow … MARK: And that’s the kind of weird thing that’s been happening all day. It’s like, I go to a newsstand to buy the Daily News, the guy never even heard of it. AL: Could’ve been a misunderstanding. MARK: I asked everyplace—nobody had the News! I had to read the Toronto Hairdresser. Or this. I go into a

Well. West Nineties. Near Park. Fireplace. Sounded like us. And a million other apartments, it’s true. But somehow I had this weird feeling they were talking about us. LAURA: A woman disappeared. GUS: A woman what… ? LAURA: Did you see that in the paper? A woman in our neighborhood disappeared. GUS: New neighborhood or old neighborhood? LAURA: This neighborhood. GUS: Anybody we know? We’ll take her off the Rolodex. LAURA: Ruth somebody. GUS: Ah. Ruth Somebody. Her. LAURA: Her husband

III: I mean, we haven’t played this course before, have we? ALMA: I don’t think so. AMY AND ANNIE: FORE! CHUCK: So anyway. CHUCK II: What’s your story, Annie? CHUCK: What’s your background? CHUCK III: Got any family? AMY: I have two brothers. ANNIE: Three sisters. ALMA: Two brothers, a sister, a step-sister, a half-brother, and my dog Barky. CHUCKS I, II, AND III: Uh-huh. CHUCK (as he putts): Puck. CHUCK II (as he putts): Puck. CHUCK III (as he putts): Puck. ALMA: Do you have to

Gould, you are the new head of production at this studio. GOULD: I am. FOX: I am an unsuccessful independent producer. GOULD: You are. FOX: And you owe me a favor. GOULD: Forsooth? FOX: I own this piece-a-shit movie script. Will you take it to the head of the studio and make me rich? GOULD: I’ll do it at ten o’clock tomorrow morning. FOX: Thank you, Gould. GOULD: I’m a whore. FOX: I’m a whore too. GOULD: And we’re men. FOX: Who’s the sexy new secretary? GOULD: Some fuckin’ temp.

you’re talking. Just let me get my binoculars. (She starts to undress. He puts his hands to his eyes like binoculars.) The aerobic hostess disrobes. (He watches for a moment.) Sandy looked good tonight. RUTH: She did look pretty good. JACK: Was the trip to Aruba successful? Is she with child? (Small pause.) RUTH: They don’t know yet. JACK: Jean looked good. RUTH: Jean looked very good. Did she turn you on? JACK: A leetle, yes. RUTH: But of course. JACK: In that dress? Whoo! Quelle

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