Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct

Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct

P. M. Forni

Language: English

Pages: 196

ISBN: 0312302509

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub


Most people would agree that thoughtful behavior and common decency are in short supply, or simply forgotten in hurried lives of emails, cellphones, and multi-tasking. In Choosing Civility, P. M. Forni identifies the twenty-five rules that are most essential in connecting effectively and happily with others. In clear, witty, and, well...civilized language, Forni covers topics that include:

* Think Twice Before Asking Favors
* Give Constructive Criticism
* Refrain from Idle Complaints
* Respect Others' Opinions
* Don't Shift Responsibility and Blame
* Care for Your Guests
* Accept and Give Praise

Finally, Forni provides examples of how to put each rule into practice and so make life-and the lives of others-more enjoyable, companionable, and rewarding.

Choosing Civility is a simple, practical, perfectly measured, and quietly magical handbook on the lost art of civility and compassion.

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her how I feel about Florida. I quickly add what I like to do when I am there. And finally, I break the fascinating news that I was there two years ago, didn’t go last winter, but hope to return the next. The result: my colleague’s experience and feelings get lost completely in my inane and self-centered rambling. This disregard-and-proceed pattern is very common in the workplace, especially among competitive people. Over lunch at their company’s cafeteria, an excited and proud Pedro tells David

crowded cafeteria without asking whether I mind is violating my territory. The deliveryman who lets himself into my office without knocking on the door first (it happened twice in the last several months, by the way) is doing the same. And so is the driver who tailgates me when I’m on my way home from the office. In different ways, they show a lack of respect for a space that should be mine. By extension, they don’t respect me. They are all acting rudely. The only difference is that the tailgater

that one of your guests informs you of his intention to bring his two preteen children. Unwilling to antagonize your friend, you acquiesce, although you feel somewhat bullied and more than mildly resentful. These feelings are perhaps a more serious threat to your relationship with your friend than anything a polite but frank “No” on your part might have stirred. Your submissive reaction may encourage your friend to disregard your legitimate wishes again in the future. This would increase the

person is more likely to be rude. If we manage to lower the stress level in our lives, our everyday encounters with others are less confrontational. But sanity-seeking strategies, like working fewer hours or switching to a job that requires less expenditure of nervous energy, come at a price. Sometimes they entail diminished professional achievement and monetary rewards. Are we willing to seriously consider the trade-off? I hope so, for our own good. And we would be well advised to consider

Thousands of them perish in obscurity, a few are great names. They are sensitive for others, as for themselves, they are considerate without being fussy, their pluck is not swankiness but the power to endure, and they can take a joke. “Sensitive,” “considerate,” but also “plucky.” Forster encourages us to be civil without self-effacement, to be sensitive and assertive at the same time, to practice respect for others as an extension of our self-respect, and to do all this with seriousness of

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