Detective Made Easy

Detective Made Easy

John Swartzwelder

Language: English

Pages: 75

ISBN: 0982273681

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub


One of a series of comedy/science fiction novels featuring slow-witted detective Frank Burly, by John Swartzwelder, the writer of 59 episodes of The Simpsons.

(Unfortunately, no plot summary available anywhere I can find. I'll write one after I've read it.)

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blocked by a small group of local residents who had overheard my conversation with the guy from Venus and were upset by what they heard. “What do you mean we don’t look appetizing to you?” asked one. “What’s wrong with the way we look?” I shrugged. “I dunno. I’d just rather have something else.” “I’ll have you know we’re all very attractive here. Young and beautiful. See how attractive I am, for example?” He posed a little. “And Daphne over there is a stunner.” The unappetizing woman he was

the private eye business in Central City, which turned out to be a nice financial bonus for us.” “But you guys were the ones committing most of the crimes in town. Why didn’t Freddie Find-It catch you too?” “He’s programmed to understand that he’s a member of the gang.” “Oh.” “I’m-the-leader,” said Freddie. I looked at Professor GoodNews. He shook his head. “I notice you all speak English on this planet,” I said, “even though you’re millions of miles from England. I guess that must be one

be getting a $20,000 advertising campaign promoting my detective agency for me, at my expense. Not exactly what I went in for, perhaps, but at least I came out with something—something positive. And along with this new advertising campaign I also would be getting a new identity. From now on I was “The Champagne Of Detectives,” Ed told me. That was a surprise. And a pleasant one, too. Frank Burly, The Champagne of Detectives! I sounded like a better detective already. That was easy. CHAPTER TWO

delicious mistakes. So you see you need people here, even if only for the peach cobbler.” I waited to see their reaction to all this. One of them said that he rather liked peach cobbler. Another said he’d like to try it. So it looked like I had a couple of key votes there. But the rest of the robots just thought my whole speech was stupid. “Speech rejected,” said the Mayor. “Yeah, but…” “Bridge,” he said, jerking a thumb towards the city limits. I made my way out of town and sat down

put great stock in things like tradition, honor, and integrity. Around here we like gadgets; especially if those gadgets are only $19.95, and they do more than one thing, and we get something else too, if we remember to order now. But recently the gadget craze in our town had reached the level of a frenzy. Nobody knew why. We had just somehow gotten it into our heads that we needed these gadgets. And we had to have them now. And if we got them within the next ten minutes, something told us, we

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