Farther Along the Coastal Road
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Yesterday I almost died. And I hate to admit it because of all the bullshit that people say these days about near death experiences and screaming YOLO! But fuck it, my life did indeed flash before my very eyes. That may sound like it was a treat that witnessing all those long forgotten moments over the years all rushing back and exploding in your face like a German jizz compilation, but it truly wasn’t. I hated it, nay, loathed it!
Never have I really thought about my life, I mean who really does? But from what I saw yesterday, it fucking sucked. I was almost bored to death – how ironic and wildly amusing would that have been? But now back to the point of this raving, it sucked. Hence the reason I stand atop this apartment building staring down at my impending demise, watching yellow taxis drive by looking like a game of space invaders as people cross the street trying not to get run over. And don’t you worry your pretty little heads, jumping isn’t exactly an option for me right now – not just yet. Besides, nobody would ever miss a guy like me, which is why I’m prolonging this moment of expiry until further notice. If I’m going to die, I want it to be worth it.
The next time my life has the nerve to flash before my eyes I want to be entertained, or at the very least, mildly amused. I’d settle for a wry smile. Something that says: you know what, it wasn’t all bad.
This is not some coming of age story, now I say this to warn you because I have no idea what lies ahead. I am just a man – a man who is now willing to witness the depths of his own despair. They say a breath without life should be considered transgression and an insult to those who died for our freedom. I am guilty of insulting those that came before me, but I will no longer sit on the sidelines and let life drift on by. There comes a time in each of our lives when we just have to throw caution to the wind. Some of us miss it, unaware that such a moment ever existed. But the time has come for me to jump out of the plane and hope that I can fly.
the beach in Tahiti, stark naked as the sun rose. I remember standing beside you in the breeze that blew my shlong from one side to the other until the wind picked up and blew it constantly till it maintained its angle like a flag, just withering beautifully.’ With his hand he demonstrated the withering flag analogy like the picture he painted wasn’t vivid enough. ‘As I looked down to you, as you considered the future ahead, I remember thinking that no matter what life throws at us, I will never,
get home until 10. Aside from that, I wasn’t the most sociable person but those hours meant I missed some great TV shows. On the calls I wasn’t bothered about those people willing to create a lie, I was happy to grant an extension on their bills to those willing to make me laugh or if they conjured up a dazzling excuse worthy of missing their payments. That was what ultimately got me fired, but it was worth it. Before and after that job I floated around from one to another, honestly just trying
come on; give me your best shot. And I did, I punched the living daylights out of those letters and words appeared on the blank page and I kept punching but they kept getting back up and kept laughing at me. Finally I stopped, stared at the page but I couldn’t make out a single word, even the letters looked outlandish and they danced around the paper like Mexican’s tap dancing across the Texan border. At Harley I glanced, she still sat on the burst beanbag look just as burst. Her eyes were glued
clearer, but at least the lights are on. Chapter One On the train I sat, surrounded by people no doubt weirder than I, on the leather seat with 300k in my bank account and a smile on my face that said: who the fuck cares if death waits. Tupac saw death around the corner, but that didn’t stop him from turning. I didn’t exactly have to sell the idea to the gangsters; I already had 100k in my bank from the first sale that was clearly enough to live large for a while but with it came no rush,
to match the obliteration she merited (in a sexual demeanor). After the check in and making my way through the airport for the first time, I quickly realized that I could spend a lot of time here if I wanted to. It had almost everything: restaurants, bars, arcades. It was also a good place for my hobby: people watching. It may be a little weird, but I like it. I like making up stories and this was the perfect place for it. There were people from all walks of life, everyone coming from somewhere