Joe Vampire (Joe Vampire Series Book 1)
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
A smart-mouthed supernatural dude who tells it like it is - sharp-tongued, snarky, and sarcastic to a fault. He just became a vampire, and he's not happy about it AT ALL. So he's telling the whole world how it really is to be undead, and the truth is not pretty...but it might be pretty hilarious. Real-life meets afterlife in Joe Vampire, a post-modern blend of dark comedy, heartfelt romance, and unexpected suspense.
Hey, folks. I’m Joe, and I’m a vampire – not by choice, mind you, but by accident…a fate-twisting, fang-creating, blood lust-inducing misunderstanding. It started with a group date, a case of mistaken identity and far too many sake bombers, and ended with a ridiculous set of circumstances that I just can’t seem to wrap my head around. Maybe you can tell: I’m not real happy about it. But I’m certainly not going to let it get in the way of my life. So I’ve thrown my ranting into a blog. I’m hanging out my dirty laundry in an effort to explain the real deal about being a card-carrying member of the Undead Elite. Maybe it will help others understand the truth about vampires. Maybe it will help me come to terms with it, too. Believe me, it’s not all satin capes and naked ladies…none of it is, actually. One naked lady would be nice. Instead, it’s just one nasty little surprise after another. The truth bears exposing, and I’m pulling back the curtain on all of it. If I can figure out how to keep it from mowing me over in the process, then that’s groovy, too. And that thing about vampires sparkling in the sun? That is a bunch of bull.
What readers are saying:
"The vampire's humanity that Anne Rice strives for in The Vampire Chronicles? [Luna] captures it perfectly and smartly in his modern tale of the supernatural everyman."
"I absolutely loved this book. It was full of witty sarcasm, humor, heartbreak and suspense."
"Joe Vampire is a laugh out loud hysterical, sometimes poignant, read. I recommend this book to anyone looking for a funny, sarcastic look at the undead life."
"I laughed out loud several times reading this book and giggled so many times my husband made me leave the room to go read elsewhere!"
Soft things work best, and I figured out how to thicken blood into a sort of gravy that seemed to work for a while. But nothing hits the spot like the raw stuff, even though my energy level is not exactly where I’d like it to be. Hopefully there’ll be a rebound for that. And smells have started to take on more definition… and confusion. It sounds totally insane – though not more than anything else in this whole vampire deal, I guess – but recently I’ll smell what seems to be something baking,
the anger in me had pushed aside the tidy speech I had prepared for the occasion, I was sure that whatever I would come up with instead was more than could be contained in a space the size of a not-walk-in closet – and with a drove of corporate drones staggering in and out to get more crullers or top off their French roast sludge. “Let’s go across the street instead. I’d rather not have the creamer witness my humiliation twice in one year.” She gave me a look that said she wasn’t sure she liked
was go through it. “Hello, Joe,” Lucas said. I tried to make out his face, but he was nothing more than shadow in the blaze of the light behind him. “I take it we’re not going to rehearse, then.” Turns out I’m a smart ass even under the influence of date rape drugs and heavy cocktails. And even when in utter peril for my life. “No. No rehearsal.” He dropped and put his face into mine. “We’re going straight to the big dance.” He stood up, and Kyle must have joined him because now there were two
sensation of coming out of my own skin had become constant and continuous. It felt like I was dying all over again, but this time with my consciousness intact the whole way. And all I had to feed on was a dead rat lying on my chest. It was the first time since This happened that I hadn’t been able to take care of myself or keep things under my own control. More than being tortured or possibly even being killed, this, to me, was true terror. I came to understand how someone like Don, someone
love dream comes true at the tail end of your life being turned upside down and thrown against a wall sideways? I won’t lie to you: it’s not all coffee talk and copy machine flirtation. We’re both a lot more complex than that… one of us way more than the other, for obvious reasons. Of course, we’re still working through the ins and outs of being friends while riding a bullet train toward couplehood and trying not to skip over any of the sweet stuff on our way to the Soup Stage. Neither of us