Ketchup Is a Vegetable: And Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves

Ketchup Is a Vegetable: And Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves

Robin O'Bryant

Language: English

Pages: 240

ISBN: 1250054141

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub

If you don't have anything nice to say about motherhood, then… read this book. Robin O'Bryant offers a no holds barred look at the day to day life of being a mother to three, running a household and the everyday monotony of parenting. It's not always pretty but it's real. Whether she's stuffing cabbage in her bra… dealing with defiant yet determined daughters… yelling at the F.B.I... or explaining the birds and the bees to her preschooler… you're sure to find dozens of humorous and relatable situations. From the creator of Robin's Chicks, one of the South's most popular blogs on motherhood, misunderstandings and musings, comes a collection of essays that will not only make you laugh and cry, but realize that you're not alone in your journey.
Sit back and relax, pour yourself some "mommy juice," throw a fresh diaper on your baby and deadbolt the bedroom door to keep your kids out… because once you start reading you'll be too busy wiping away tears of laughter to wipe anybody's butt.

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stinks! Momma, I HATE it!” Sadie was latched onto one of the Big Berthas in the way back, and I had once again contorted my body so that I could breastfeed in the backseat while holding Emma’s hand in the middle. (By the by, this was great for my tendonitis, and probably exactly what my doctor had in mind when he told me to rest my arm.) I was praying fervently we wouldn’t get pulled over because I had a strong feeling that Zeb and I would be going to jail and the kids were going to end up in

was the peaches. I feel fine, now.” I shut my mouth as he pulled out of the hospital parking lot to drive us home. Peaches indeed! This brought to mind a similar incident when I had made a huge vat of vegetable soup with veggies from our very own garden and after eating one bowl of soup and almost an entire chocolate chocolate-chip pound cake, he told his Mother my soup made him sick. Peaches, my right foot! We’d see about that when he was still puking in twelve hours. He deposited me at home

Aubrey’s instincts were telling her to play hard to get and the more she ignored Tristan the louder and more extravagant his declarations of love became. I was worried things might be getting out of hand — I mean, my four-year-old shouldn’t be in any hurry to make a life-long commitment, when thankfully (for our sake anyway) someone pooped in the swimming pool and it was time to load up and head home. Aubrey’s obsession with romance didn’t end with just the idea of happily ever after though, she

was going to have to tell her something. “It’s a really long story,” I told her the last time she asked. I was hoping to put her off at least one more time so I wouldn’t have to discuss s-e-x in the car, in front of her little sister. An hour later Aubrey stated matter of factly, “I’m ready to hear that story about how babies get in your tummy, now.” I realized I could no longer avoid the topic. It didn’t matter that she was only five. She was in school, making friends with kids who had older

brought into this world is a miracle and gift from God. The fact that two imperfect human beings can create another life is almost inconceivable. Especially once you have witnessed the fragility, innocence and perfection of a newborn. When you have held your own child’s helpless body, seen her open her mouth like a tiny little bird, trusting that someone will feed her because without you she cannot survive. Every child that is born fills me full of hope. Hope that this world isn’t the horrible

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