Laughter, the Best Medicine: Holidays: Ho, Ho, Ha! The Merriest Jokes, Quotes, and Cartoons

Laughter, the Best Medicine: Holidays: Ho, Ho, Ha! The Merriest Jokes, Quotes, and Cartoons

Language: English

Pages: 192

ISBN: 1606525468

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub


Laughter, The Best Medicine Holidays contains more than 1,000 of the merriest stories, jokes, quotes and cartoons.
 

If ever there was a time of year in which we need a sense of humor, it’s the holidays in America—and the latest little book in this best-selling series is here to help! Brimming with America’s funniest stories, one-liners, cartoons, quotes, and jokes, this side-splitting collection explodes the myth that the holidays are the picture of clean homes, well-behaved children, meticulously wrapped gifts, absolutely perfect food, distinguished guests, and perpetual, shiny white smiles. Here is just a sampling of the holiday havoc we all recognize—and love:

 

 “Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.”            —Erma Bombeck       

           

 Last Christmas morning, after all the presents were opened,

it was clear that my five-year-old son wasn’t thrilled with the ratio

of toys to clothes he’d received. As he trudged slowly up the stairs,

I called out, “Hey, where are you going?”

            “To my room,” he said, “to play with my new socks.”

 

“The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.”        —Joan Rivers

No Way Back (Penguin Classics)

Swish: My Quest to Become the Gayest Person Ever and What Ended Up Happening Instead

Mental Floss Presents: Forbidden Knowledge: A Wickedly Smart Guide to History's Naughtiest Bits

The Death of Comedy

In Woolen Bikinis (Jean & Rosie, Book 2)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

cards, ready for mailing, on a bench. When we returned home, my family showed me a card that, in addition to my message, said: “Mailed by a rude New Yorker.” —LINDA PRAGER I was sitting on a bench outside the post office licking stamps for our Christmas cards when I noticed a lad about nine on a nearby bench doing the same job. But this enterprising youth had recruited a helper. He was rubbing the stamps across the waiting tongue of his obedient Saint Bernard. —W. R. SHIRLEY My wife of six

Sunday best, with suitcase and bagpipe. From his neck hung a card: “To Uncle Jock, with love from Peter’s parents.” —JOHN T. L. D. GABBERT Our oldest son had his heart set on a new two-wheeler for Christmas, and our youngest wanted a tricycle. Money was tight, so we decided to buy a bicycle and fix up the old red tricycle as a gift for son number two. One night I brought the trike in from our driveway and set to work. Four hours later a gleaming blue wonder stood there, complete with new

only a baby.” —VALéRIE ANZALONE At Christmas I took my son and my four-year old niece to the church to see the manger. There were the three Wise Men, numerous shepherds with their sheep, and a lot of ordinary people. Baby Jesus, Saint Joseph, and the Virgin Mary had an arch over their heads to symbolize halos. I heard my son say to his cousin: “Have you noticed that not all of them have a satellite dish?” —MARIA EMíLIA NOGUEIRA MARTINS All my relatives know that I refold the wrapping paper

only a baby.” —VALéRIE ANZALONE At Christmas I took my son and my four-year old niece to the church to see the manger. There were the three Wise Men, numerous shepherds with their sheep, and a lot of ordinary people. Baby Jesus, Saint Joseph, and the Virgin Mary had an arch over their heads to symbolize halos. I heard my son say to his cousin: “Have you noticed that not all of them have a satellite dish?” —MARIA EMíLIA NOGUEIRA MARTINS All my relatives know that I refold the wrapping paper

shepherd dog, who was lazily stretched beside the easy chair. The enclosed note read: “A darn shame you’re still cutting grass in January.” —MARK HAYES When my husband and I were teenagers, we went out on our first New Year’s Eve date in the car he had recently bought. It was his first car, and he was enormously proud of it. At midnight, amid noisy horns and kissing, I waited eagerly for his romantic words. He looked into my eyes and said, “Darn—my car is a year older now.” —MARILYN MONDROSKI

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