Little Keith Lemon: Memoirs of Me Childhood
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
Have you ever wondered how Keith Lemon went from life as a young nipper in Leeds to being the strawberry blonde star of CELEBRITY JUICE surrounded by bang tidy lasses? What made him the man he is today? In this heart-warming and inspirational memoir, Keith reveals the story of his childhood, lifting the lid on all the experiences of northern youth that have led him to become an international ladies' man and national treasure. In this Adrian Mole meets VIZ's PROFANISAURUS-style full colour memoir, Keith reminisces about his journey from baby to babe-magnet, delving deep into his past and his early years as an unbelievably talented youngster in Leeds (even before he became a professional sex symbol).
her little boy. So I remember rushing me sex education homework so I din’t have to do it at home in front of me mam. They made us do these scientific drawings of vaginas and penises. The penis looked like an evil fox and my vagina looked like a tryphid. I fink they made you do sex education to scare you off sex. I remember looking at me scientific drawing of vagina and finking, I would never put me dick in that! It would bite it off, it looks like a sarlacc from Return of the Jedi. ME TEACHERS
about 200 years old but he were probably about 75. Me mam said that after his wife had died he got lonely so he could do with a young visitor to cheer him up. I used to take me gran’s betamax and we’d watch stuff, but one day he started having a wank so I had to leave. That were too much even if he were lonely. I fink he were a bit mad. I tried going to see old ladies instead and this one old lady, Florence, she got a bit friendly too. I don’t know what it was about them! ‘Oooo in’t your hair
diving board. I never did it. In fact, I only dived off top diving board when I was doing Celebrity Juice and it was Keith versus Jedward. Well, I didn’t actually dive, I jumped, but I can remember finking, I’m not having those little bastards beat me at this. I didn’t look down. I just walked straight off and then watched them go, ‘oh, we can’t do it, we can’t do it, we can’t do it.’ The dingbats! Nice kids though. LEMON FAMILY ALBUM Anywhere, back to St Michael’s. Tommy and I met Dave
but at the same time I knew I wasn’t old enough to properly like girls. She made me tingle in areas that I din’t know were supposed to tingle. She had this long super-straight brown hair and she used to flick it around like they do in’t films. It has always been like that for me though. I’ve been advanced when it comes to women. I din’t start writing poetry for girls until a little later but she did inspire me to put pen to paper. I was only eight at the time but with a few drawings I usually had
to be foreskin. Thank God for me mam. Obviously, as an adult who has had sex with lots of ladies, I’m glad that I’ve never had a foreskin. I always fink women prefer no foreskin because if you’re with your boyfriend and it’s that special time and you’re finking, ‘he’s been good to me lately, I’m gonna give him a blozzer …’ with a foreskinless penis you’re not gonna experience smegma. You have to test things out when you’re a kid, don’t you? You need to find out if you’re the only one, compare