A. Lee Martinez
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
Meet Monster. Meet Judy. Two humans who don't like each other much, but together must fight dragons, fire-breathing felines, trolls, Inuit walrus dogs, and a crazy cat lady - for the future of the universe.
Monster runs a pest control agency. He's overworked and has domestic troubles - like having the girlfriend from hell.
Judy works the night shift at the local Food Plus Mart. Not the most glamorous life, but Judy is happy. No one bothers her and if she has to spell things out for the night-manager every now and again, so be it.
But when Judy finds a Yeti in the freezer aisle eating all the
Oh, and his girlfriend from Hell? She actually is from Hell.
dashed to the short aisle of writing supplies. Quickly, she tore open a black marker and scrawled on her forearm in thick letters. MAGIC IS REAL. She grabbed a notebook and quickly started writing everything she could remember. TROLLS ATE YOUR APARTMENT. PICK UP MONSTER TOMORROW AT 10. DON’T BE LATE. PAULIE KNOWS ABOUT MAGIC. CHESTER IS A PAPER MAN. She filled a half page with these notes before she was interrupted. “Miss, are you going to pay for those?” asked a kid in a blue and red shirt
something randomly from a shelf. There was a short line at the checkout. Three people were ahead of her, and the lady at the counter was buying lottery tickets with all the care and eye for detail one usually saves for bomb disposal. “How many Lucky Duck Bucks do you have left?” she asked the clerk. “Ten.” “Oh, that’s good. The last ten are usually the lucky ones.” She turned and repeated it to the customers behind her. Judy tensed, squeezing her candy bar into a misshapen lump within its
movie. What do you think? If I find her and apologize, my gaborchend problems will end?” “Couldn’t hurt. Why don’t you give her a call?” “I never got her number. I don’t suppose that superior not-exactly-intuition-but-close-enough of yours knows it.” “It’s not a psychic phone book.” “And yet you expect me to keep believing you’re a higher being.” They got into the car. Everything in the interior, including the seats, was made of tin. “It doesn’t have any floorboards,” observed Chester,
blue didn’t seem capable of stopping her from crushing shut his windpipe. Monster’s vision blurred. He could still be only one color at a time. Shifting to anything else would risk having her tear off his head. But if he didn’t do something soon, she’d strangle him. Monster turned lightning bolt gray and put both hands on Lotus’s head. He pumped a few thousand volts through his fingers. The electricity surged through the both of them, sending them hurtling in opposite directions. A few moments
really good for anything. It could transform every person into a cat, move planets, create universes. But for a human being, it was worthless, a glittering bauble that granted immortality and awesome power but nothing of practical value. Lotus had lived for ages, but she hadn’t really lived at all. A life span of billions of years, existing for no other reason than to keep existing. That wasn’t living, and Judy should know. That had been Judy’s life for as long as she could remember. Because