Paddle Your Own Canoe: One Man's Fundamentals for Delicious Living

Paddle Your Own Canoe: One Man's Fundamentals for Delicious Living

Nick Offerman

Language: English

Pages: 352

ISBN: 0451467094

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub

When it comes to growing a robust mustache, masticating red meat, building a chair, or wooing a woman, who better to educate you than the always charming, always manly Nick Offerman, best known as Parks and Recreation’s Ron Swanson? Combining his trademark comic voice and very real expertise in carpentry, Paddle Your Own Canoe features tales from Offerman’s childhood (born, literally, in the middle of an Illinois cornfield) to his theater days in Chicago to the, frankly, magnificent seduction of his wife, Megan Mullally. Offerman also shares his hard-bitten battle strategies in the arenas of manliness, love, styles, and religion, and invaluable advice on getting the utmost pleasure out of woodworking, assorted meats, outdoor recreations, and other palatable entrees.

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this, buddy.” I could actually see the right side of her face through the gap between the seats. This was pretty goddamn hilarious so far! During the flight, Lynette got up to retrieve something from the compartment above her, and we actually nodded at each other. I thought, “Man, are you gonna crack up when I tell you about this later!” In my head, I was absolutely living out a fantasy as the cool protagonist in my very own John Cusack superromantic comedy, when in truth, I was 100 percent

had need of a firearm in my life, not remotely, but I’ll happily sport a bumper sticker that reads, “You can have my rib eye when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers,” or even write a bit of poetry. The Bratwurst: A Haiku Tight skin flute of pork. Juices fly, explode in mouth. A little mustard. Ready for some controversy? I can actually understand the factions of people like those in the PETA organization when they raise hell about any time an animal is treated cruelly. I

Defiant Theatre was this fun, weirdo, little 1920s-Vienna-wannabe theater art club that was quite an exciting bacchanal, by and large. Ultimately the pinnacle of my Chicago experience was living on North Avenue in my warehouse and building the set for Ubu Raw. We had always wanted to try this Greek scenery trick called periaktoi, which is a set of three-sided pillars, two feet wide by twelve feet tall, maybe twelve or sixteen of them, side by side, so all the front, or downstage, faces together

filthiest people, because I always have the best quality to choose from.” In 2008, I’d just gotten back from New York and my first audition was for a one-line part in some movie George Clooney was producing. I’d worked with him on that live ER and he was super friendly to me. He had wanted to cast me in a small role in his movie Leatherheads but I had had a conflict. He’s known for, among other obvious things, this crazily heroic talent for remembering everybody—I saw him at a party seven or

assemble. I had prepared a “bit” with a pair of glasses that I was planning to impishly remove before pronouncing my one line. It was just on tape for the casting lady, and it wasn’t even the lady, actually, it was the lady’s assistant. Unimpressed by my terrific “bit,” she said, “Are you going to do that with your glasses? Don’t do that.” To which I said, “You know what, I’ve got this one line. This is the bit I prepared. I’m just going to do my bit.” So I did my bit. I stood my meager ground

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