Posh and Prejudice (Diary of a Chav)
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The divine Shiraz Bailey Wood is back in this hilarious sequel to Diva Without a Cause to enlighten us with her signature brand of madcap humor on her demented, glorious life in the gritty suburbs of London.
When sixteen-year-old Shiraz Bailey Wood's year-end test results come in, she's astonished to discover not only that she passed them all, but that she's actually clever! Emboldened by an invite to higher-level classes, Shiraz enrolls in Superchav Academy's "Center of Excellence" to get even brainier.
Hanging with goody-two- shoes types in higher-level classes seems like just the ticket to avoid getting stuck forever in her crap hometown. But Shiraz has to figure out for herself: are these posh types really any better than she, or do they just want to stick their noses up at everyone?
think there’s been a shooting!” and Mum shouted, “Well there’s been something going on! It’s all over the news! I’m watching your bloody school now! There’s a police helicopter circling the school! Get yourself home RIGHT NOW!” So I says to her, “Mum I don’t think that is a police helicopter I think that’s maybe the Sky News helicopter filming the pictures that you’re watching.” Then she told me to stop being so bloody clever and get home before I got my head blown off. I didn’t go home. Me and
the one we did for Year Seven. It was as if the Year Eights and Nines weren’t properly listening. They were just there ’cos they had to be. And when Joshua got them to shout out the stuff at the end they did it sort of half-heartedly and some of them never answered at all. “I think you gave them so many ideas to think about you stunned them into silence!” said Mr. Bamblebury afterward. Mmm. Yeah. FRIDAY 17TH OCTOBER OH MY GOSH. Today was proper humiliating. My face is still red just
analyzed by a head specialist might signal that I am some sort of nutjob. “Aw, leave her, Josh,” said Carrie. “Shizza works harder than all of us.” “Thank you, Carrie,” I said, but by this point Carrie had her tongue halfway down Saf’s throat and was pinching his bum at the same time. “Oh, take it somewhere private!” groaned Joshua. “It’s like watching feeding time at the bloody warthog pen.” The pair wandered off to look at books together. Joshua sat down opposite me and stared right in my
Smarties. But when I looked at it closely it wasn’t any old tube of Smarties. It was all blue Smarties. Somebody had bought lots and lots of tubes of Smarties and fished out all the blue ones and put them all into one tube so I could have lots and lots of my favorite blue ones. Then they’d come in the middle of the night in the rain with a big card and dropped them off. The card didn’t say who it was from. It just said, “For Shiraz, the most beautiful girl in Goodmayes xxxx.” Me and Dad never
all down Wesley’s new car seat covers. He’s going mental!” Rude: (n.) Someone who thinks they’re tough or a bit of a gangster. Often combined with girl or boy: “She acts like she’s a rudegirl, but she ain’t all that.” Scrounging: (vb.) Begging. Shubz: (n.) A party, a knees-up, a gathering. “Leticia is having a shubz on Saturday night when her mum and dad are out. Everyone is invited! You coming?” “Nah, mate, I’ll just read the police report afterward in the Ilford Bugle.” Sixth Form: (n.)