Radio Comedy Diary: A Researcher's Guide to the Actual Jokes and Quotes of the Top Comedy Programs of 1947-1950
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This is a resource of comedy recordings for radio scholars. Included is a notes and comments section which includes background material on all the radio programmes in the book.
... come along ... next table .... Here we are! DURANTE: Well, as long as I'm here I may as well wash my hands! WAITER: The ham sandwich costs twenty-seven dollars. DURANTE: Twenty-seven dollars for a ham sandwich! WAITER: The ham came from New York on an airplane. DURANTE: Well, take this back and bring me one that hitch-hiked! February 22, 1948 ]uk Bmny • DENNIS: I get my ice cream at the hardware store. They put nuts in it. }ACK: (To audience) That joke doesn't sound like us, does it? }ACK:
Ronnie, I'd like to borrow a cup of flour. Shall I come in? COLMAN: No, I'll just sift it to you through the screen door. jACK: I'm making a little paste with flour and water. I'm saving the writeup about my show in the paper. COLMAN: (Amtl.Ut/) You save those? -1949- 105 • MARY: (Talking about her sister and her boyfrinul) They were going to elope. The ladder was up, the window was up and she was so embarrassed. He wasn't home! jACK: What did she do? MARY: While she was up there, she painted
the time. Mayl, 1949 Martin d- Lewis • DEAN: Baseball catchers wear masks to keep from getting hit and getting their faces all beat up. jERRY: I know all about it. I used to be a catcher. DEAN: Gee, why didn't you wear a mask? • DEAN: See that pretty girl over there? Why don't you ask her for a date? jERRY: Aw, she wouldn't wipe her feet on me. DEAN: Well, wait'll she gets to know you better. Then she will. jERRY: Dean, only a moron would think otherwise. -1949- 140 DEAN: Folks, meet Jerry
And light one for me, too. (Wow, these new swimming trunks are dynamite! I'd better cover myself with sand or I'll start a riot.) A.l]olson • OsCAR: You'd make a good painter. In fact, when people see you they say, "Here comes }olson, let's give him the brush." HARRY: (Guest, Harry McNaughton from It Pays to Be Ignorant) I went hunting. A bear saw me and chased me through the woods, into town, down three blocks, around a corner, where I finally ducked into a movie theater. AL: Did the bear
-1949- 163 BERLE: Everybody's hungry. Look, they even ate the tablecloth. There's nothing left but the table with one leg chewed off. GALLUP: Here comes the waiter. BERLE: Good. Maybe he'll let me lick his apron. GALLUP: Here's the Forest Ranger to rescue us! BERLE: Forest Ranger, ever have any exciting experiences in the woods? RANGER: Please, we're on the air. BERLE: That's okay, nobody's listening. I've got to get out of here. I'm going out into the snow and there's only one thing that can