Stuff Hipsters Hate: A Field Guide to the Passionate Opinions of the Indifferent

Stuff Hipsters Hate: A Field Guide to the Passionate Opinions of the Indifferent

Brenna Ehrlich, Andrea Bartz

Language: English

Pages: 160

ISBN: 1569758212

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub


PRAISE FOR stuffhipstershate.tumblr.com

"Depressingly astute."

--The New Yorker

"Wickedly funny."

--The Frisky

From the dive bars of Brooklyn's Williamsburg to the dirty alleys of San Francisco's Mission, the urban hipster has redefined American cool with a sighing disdain for everything mainstream. Hipsters are easily identified by their worn-out shoes, fixies and PBR tallboys, but until now no one had investigated beyond the hipster look to the even more hilarious hipster psyche. With personally researched articles, revealing illustrations and helpful charts and graphs, Stuff Hipsters Hate exposes the bottomless well of impassioned scorn that motivates the ever-apathetic hipster, including:

MATING AND SOCIAL HATES

♦buying you a drink

♦monogamy

♦texting back in a timely fashion

APPAREL AND GROOMING HATES

♦high heels

♦muscles

♦being asked about their tattoos

WORK AND LIFE HATES

♦full-time jobs

♦knowing their bank balance

♦enthusiasm

Being There

Johannes Cabal the Detective

Human Achievement

Indiscretions of Archie

Teaching: It's Harder Than It Looks

An Arsonist's Guide to Writers' Homes in New England

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

bright polish to her shapely nails—in fact, she rarely went out of the house sans a coat of foundation and full face of makeup. She and her friends would frequent local sports bars, where bros would approach her, drawn to her glossy locks and lips. However, Jaime was never attracted to men of this nature, and they were often repelled by her obscure taste in literature and strong opinions about green living. Once, a more freewheeling friend took her to a bar in one of the city’s rare pockets of

opinion—have no right to even set foot on Bedford. Still, ironically enough, hipsters often don shirts carrying the names of said tourists’ hometowns and even, sometimes, said tourists’ high school baseball teams. REMAINING IN ONE PLACE FOR TOO LONG ASTRID: Oh, man—I gotta get the fuck outta Dodge. The oppressive air of this teeming metropolis is really starting to wear the treads of my soul thin. JOAN: Oh, yeah. I know. Yesterday the bus driver yelled at me because I fell asleep

I totally don’t fucking believe in), don’t let me see my balance. I’m just gonna blindly punch in my code and wait for the sweet whooshing of those two twenties coming down the chute. Fuck, fuck, fuck—just tell me when it’s over. I’m gonna push some buttons. Is the screen clear? Am I good? Fuck, I’m hyper ventilating. All clear? Sweet. Let’s get wasted.” —Alonna Z., 20, communications student MED STUDENTS “Fuck, every time I talk to my mom on the phone she devotes, like, nine minutes

anyone I know. They’re, like, the fucking ‘cool’ followers of Christ, and they’ve basically succeeded in sapping all the fun out of life. It doesn’t take long to out one of these dudes. For a minute, he seems cool. Then you notice his overall enthusiasm, this weird fucking optimism. Your bullshit detector starts letting out its feeble beep, you know? He giggles and tells, like, wholesome stories about that time they all went camping and the girls stole everyone’s towels. And then, swear to

every intellectual word. If you show a dude that you’re listening—really listening—to all the stupid bullshit that he’s inevitably spouting, he will be intrigued. He will also think you’re “smart.” Which will be “refreshing” until he realizes that you’re probably smarter than him. Example: HIPSTER DUDE: “I don’t know, I guess I just worry sometimes that people think I’m better than them because I’m really quiet and I don’t usually say very much. I get really uncomfortable sometimes when

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