Comedy Quote Dictionary, The
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A collection of more than two thousand jokes, epigrams, and one-liners from more than six hundred of the funniest comedians and writers of the twentieth century includes the work of Rodney Dangerfield, Will Rogers, Judy Tenuta, and others. 20,000 first printing.
think of it as dinner . . . Nomenclature is 80 Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls .. . In our house, we have Alka-Seltzer on tap. If you cook like I do, the best thing I can tell you is not to be sensitive. Here are some of the insults I've had to overlook: When Fang passes my gravy, he says, "One lump or two?" Once I sent a treat to the Boy Scouts and the leader awarded a merit badge to anyone who could eat it. When I entered a cake at the county fair, it was the only one awarded a
gynecologists, proctologists- any place you got a hole there's a guy who specializes in your hole. They make an entire career out of that hole. And if the car doctor, nose doctor, throat doctor, gynecologist, or proctologist can't help you, he sends you to a surgeon. Why? So he can make a new hole! ALAN PROPIIET LEE TULLY I'm a little upset. I just found out I have to have this little procedure done. Nothing complicated, but they tell me it is going to improve my vision about 70 percent. But
quiche, just what does his diet consist of? Essentially, Real Men are meat and potatoes eaters. Real Men eat beef. They eat frozen peas. And watermelon. Plus French fries and apple pie (two important diet staples). As a general rule, Real Men won't eat anything that is poached, sauteed , minced, blended, glazed, curried, Aambeed, stir-fried, or en brochette .. . and above everything else-all trends aside -Real Men refuse to refer to spaghetti as pasta. BRUCE FEIR.)Tf.IN F 0 I had fried
you get up here in heaven?" He said, "I was in my convertible in front of this apartment building, and this refrigerator came down on my head." St. Peter said to the third guy, "How did you get up here in heaven?" He said, "I don't know. I was sitting in this refrigerator . . ." GEORGE .. GOOBER.. LINDSEY A guy's laying in bed at twothirty in the morning. His wife wakes him up and says, "Honey, I gotta ask you a question. If I die, would you remarry?" "What kind of a question is that at
we told you if you kept using POLLUTION drugs your kids would be mutants?" MORT SAIIL AND ECOLOGY home in a paper bag. And when I got home I put the paper bag in the wastebasket. ULYTOMUN The liberal says to you, "''m so understanding, I can't understand anyone not understanding me, as understanding as I am. .. LE>'IINY BRUCE Think of what would happen to us in America if there were no humorists; life would be one long Congressional Record. Tm·l MASSON I remember when people used to