The Doomsday Survival Handbook: Bucket Lists for Every Conceivable Apocalypse
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
It's The End Of The World...So Now What?
It's a fact: in some form or another, Doomsday is upon us, and you need to be as ready as possible for any and every eventuality. Zombies? Bring 'em on! The Rapture? No problem! Yorggh, the Colossal Moronic Space Creature? Uh, not much can be done there. This book will help you separate the threat from the chaff with its handy dandy checklists and recommendations. While it is important to remember that survival is not guaranteed, this book will certainly* improve your odds of survival.
Discover How To Survive Anything, Including:
•An invasion of space spiders
•The return of dinosaurs
•The planet eater thing from Star Trek
*Certainty not guaranteed
head will launch from his neck like a champagne cork. This’ll make the Mayans even more beloved. These otherworldly hotties will seek to conquer only one other place—Spain. The Mayans really know how to hold a grudge. Estimated Length of Disaster: Kinda hard to actually define this as a disaster unless you’re a tyrant. True, this change will wreak havoc on the resort industry, but the Mayans will rule over most of Central America and Spain with a firm and loving hand. We’ll give ’em a mulligan
arrive, the pods will spread like crazy, turning once-vibrant citizens into glassy-eyed sheep. The ratings for Dancing with the Stars will soar. Estimated Length of Disaster: Unless a cure can be found for the mist, this could continue for quite some time. Percentage of Population Affected: We can’t know this—we only know what the pods tell us. Inhale deeply and we’ll read you the list: THOSE POD THINGS BUCKET LIST Find a way to make sure that President Bingo never reproduces. Or even has
food trucks, offer riot supplies out of your van. Volume discounting on rocks and bottles! The good news is the Westboro Baptist Church will be spread paper-thin by having to protest at so many locations. Its effectiveness will be greatly reduced as its members also catch the flu. Their God must hate them. Skeeter sure does! Nice Goin’, Mankind—We’re Talkin’ Another Friggin’ Ice Age! The Grim Rating: A stone-cold 8.7! “Everyone thinks I’m a warm weather kind of gal—maybe it’s my garb,
question becomes, “Whatever happened to Mothra?” Weeks later, a savvy reporter from the Tokyo Tribune tracks her down on a nearby island where she’s been living in seclusion with her fairy friends. During this time, Mothra hadn’t taken care of herself, gaining quite a bit of weight and developing a nasty booze habit. When the journalist convinces her to come back to civilization for a TV interview, Mothra agrees only if she can be paid in liquor and moist, rotting matter. Unfortunately, when
Disaster: It will go on and on and on—same as it ever was. Percentage of Population Affected: Fewer than you’d think. Surprisingly, only about 52% of the population will care about the classic conflict. The rest would prefer that folks simply try to get along with one another. Apparently, that’s too much to ask. Behold—the shining list! HOLY WARS BUCKET LIST Beware the Bahai’is—they’ll push to be included in the struggle as “refs.” Their interpretation of the rules of combat could heavily