The First Church on the Moon
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
Alcohol and life on the moon do not mix.
It is the morning after the night before, and a number of problems face the staff of the Steve Moore Moonbase. The first lunar wedding was not a success. A visiting Bishop has a ridiculous obsession about how some "Americans" supposedly landed on the moon on 1969 CE. A phenomenal amount of energy is being used to broadcast an insult at the entire populations of Asia, Europe and Africa. And everyone on the Moon is going to die.
It is not, on the face of it, the best day for handling an unprecedented evolution in metaphysics.
But lunar hangovers are no different to their earth equivalents: no matter how bad things seem, you can always get through them. And everyone is welcome at the first church on the moon.
he muttered. “That’s right, a man called Richard Dawkins wrote it, over 150 years ago. They say he wrote it on the morning after his first LSD trip. Do you know much about Dawkins?” Marcus shook his head. He may have only uttered one word so far, but he was at least following the conversation. “We only know bits and pieces about that period, of course, but we think we know a fair amount about Dawkins. We know he taught at Oxford Polytechnic. We know he married Adric from Doctor Who. He was a
lie to the Pope, would you?” “No! Of course not, it’s definitely true, I’m sure she’ll be out in, erm, a few hours.” “A few hours? What is she doing in there?” “It’s not for me to say, really. It’s Bishop business.” The Pope thought about this. “Did she take her shepherd’s crook in with her, by any chance?” “She might have done…” “Okay,” said the Pope. “She could well be a few hours. In that case, make sure she calls me as soon as she comes out. We’re not going to send a shuttle until she
not lucky at all. A lucky person would not have been gifted the name ‘Clownshoes Fantastic’ by their parents. A lucky person would not be currently hiding behind the moon in self-declared quarantine. Pilots may tell admiring stories about how Clownshoes was the only human to survive the terrifying last voyage of the Cruise Liner Jalapeño, but a truly lucky person would not have been on that cursed ship in the first place. Clownshoes had something better than luck. He had the reputation for luck.
Hoops to place Monk under arrest,” said Gregor. He had always wanted to give an order like that, and it proved to be just as much fun as he always thought it would. It was a shame that the only crew member to witness it was underneath a desk and not paying attention. “He may well be in bed, Commander, most people are,” Dennis replied. “Wake him up!” Dennis paused for a fraction of a second longer than computer voices are supposed to pause. “I’ll give it a go,” he said. “And call an emergency
moonbase, he took the cat out of the tumble drier. EPILOGUE One week later there were three weddings and a funeral on the moon. It was in many ways like the twentieth century movie Four Weddings And A Funeral, if that had been reimagined for a generation with a shorter attention span. The funeral was Bishop Hammerpot’s. Now that her role in the historic discovery of the Eagle Lander was understood, it had been decided that a fitting tribute would be to bury her on the Sea of