The World According to Clarkson

The World According to Clarkson

Jeremy Clarkson

Language: English

Pages: 352

ISBN: 0141017899

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub


Jeremy Clarkson shares his opinions on just about everything in The World According to Clarkson. Jeremy Clarkson has seen rather more of the world than most. He has, as they say, been around a bit. And as a result, he's got one or two things to tell us about how it all works; and being Jeremy Clarkson he's not about to voice them quietly, humbly, and without great dollops of humor. In The World According to Clarkson, he reveals why it is that too much science is bad for our health, 1970s rock music is nothing to be ashamed of, hunting foxes while drunk and wearing night-sights is neither big nor clever, we must work harder to get rid of cricket, and that he likes the Germans (well, sometimes). With a strong dose of common sense that is rarely, if ever, found inside the M25, Clarkson hilariously attacks the pompous, the ridiculous, the absurd, and the downright idiotic, while also celebrating the eccentric, the clever, and the sheer bloody brilliant. Less a manifesto for living and more a road map to modern life, The World According to Clarkson is the funniest book you'll read this year. Don't leave home without it. The World According to Clarkson is a hilarious collection of Jeremy's Sunday Times columns and the first in his The World According to Clarkson series which also includes And Another Thing; For Crying Out Loud! and How Hard Can It Be?

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drown these days under the weight of information coming into our homes. We have the internet and rolling television news. We in Britain read more papers than any other European country. But the more we’re told, the less we know. Think about it. When you are twenty you know everything. But the more you travel, and the more you learn and the more you read, the more you realise that, actually, the more you know, the more you know nothing. Take the war in Kosovo. As far as I could tell, it was an

12-bore Beretta at my side. Foxy-Woxy was going to die. By one in the morning I’d nearly polished off a bottle of Brouilly and it was becoming increasingly hard to figure out what was what in the green world of infrared. But, yes, I was pretty sure there was a glow in the garden where before all had been dark. I made a mental, if slightly drunken, calculation about where this was in relation to various trees, before putting the night-vision goggles down, picking up the piece and firing. The

cured cancer by now. Crosswords, like jigsaws and cricket, are not really games in themselves. They are simply tools for wasting time. And that’s not something that sits well in the modern world. We may dream of living the slow life, taking a couple of hours over lunch and eating cheese until dawn, but the reality is that we have a heart attack if the traffic lights stay red for too long or the lift doors fail to close the instant we’re ready to go. Answering-machine messages are my particular

London. It’s an island surrounded on all sides by three lanes of snarling diesel engines. You can’t get to it and there’s no point in going anyway unless you want to while away an afternoon looking at the guano on Winston Churchill’s hat. It is therefore the perfect place for lottery money to be spent on a huge new fountain. In this country, most people’s idea of a fountain is some cherub having a wee. Last year the Fountain Society gave its award for best new water feature to Sheffield for

the land of the healthy and the home of the safe you aren’t warned on the radio to stay indoors whenever it stops raining. What you get there is: ‘It’s a beautiful morning in the Bay Area. We’re expecting highs in the upper twennies. Here’s the J Geils Band.’ What we get is: ‘It’s a beautiful morning in the southeast. We’re expecting thousands of people to choke to death. Stay indoors. Stay white. Here’s some Morrissey.’ However, despite the best endeavours of the killjoys, the pleasant weather

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