The World According to Manager Mark: Life, Love and Torquay

The World According to Manager Mark: Life, Love and Torquay

Mark Jenkins

Language: English

Pages: 288

ISBN: 1784188166

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub

Having driven into the sunset in the final episode of Channel 4's The Hotel, Mark Jenkins is back doing what he does best - entertaining the nation. His unique take on life, affable charm, and woefully naive exploits are all captured with great comedic effect in this, his first book. In The World According to Manager Mark you will discover just what makes this real-life Basil Fawlty tick. Containing Mark's opinions on everything from AGEING to YORKSHIRE PUDDINGS, from BUS LANES to VEGETARIANS, and featuring VOL-AU-VENTS, INFLATABLES and countless SAUSAGES, this book houses more entertainment than a hotel in peak season. Frank, forthcoming and downright funny, in this A-Z of Mark's world you'll find a manifesto for a life in which we discover the difference between naturists and naturalists, umbrellas are categorised as dangerous weapons and green food is banned. Whether you consider yourself rich, poor or normal, and whether you drink real champagne or 'nearly champagne', this book contains something for everyone. Even the Queen! What's more, you might learn a thing or two. UNBELIEVABLE!

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ones being in Brighton, although I have to say, it’s hardly a beach – there isn’t any proper sand. Have you noticed that nudist beaches are always rock or pebble ones and not nice, soft, sandy ones? That has always puzzled me. Then again, maybe it’s obvious: that bloody sand can get everywhere! But, to be honest, the most confusing bit about all this naturist and nudist stuff, and the bit I really don’t understand, is that the public it seems to attract – those naturist enthusiasts; the people

done, so why get upset about it? Although, I have to say, if all the shops were shut and I’d just spilled the last drop of milk, which meant I’d run out and couldn’t have a milky coffee first thing in the morning, it might be a different story! In which case, my motto might be, ‘The light at the end of the tunnel might be another train…’ P PANTOMIME Oh yes, it is! I was rather surprised to be offered the part of the King in Sleeping Beauty at Torquay’s Princess Theatre, but then I thought,

and very much enjoyed playing ‘King Egbert the Oval’. I had to sing, of course, and, actually, I haven’t got a bad voice, although it would be unfair to compare my voice to Frank Sinatra’s – he can’t really defend himself now. I’d like to do some more panto. I see myself more as Buttons than the back end of a horse – I saw enough of those when I was a professional tipster. No, Buttons is a very sympathetic character and me all over. Definite typecasting. By the way, do you know why Cinderella

countries, I have a basic rule, which I apply if I need to buy something: if the shopkeeper or waiter can’t be bothered to learn to speak my language, they obviously don’t want my money and so I find another shop or restaurant that does. (Having said that, I have always found that repeating myself and speaking slower and louder seems to help…) But, in recent years, it seems we have been invaded with a whole new language – no, not that Esperanto nonsense! I mean, what sort of a daft idea is that?

think they are better prepared than you and me (unless, of course, Dear Reader, you are that ‘Clever Dick’ type) and who brandish them with a false pride and a look of self-satisfaction and haughtiness. In fact, to my mind, there isn’t anything more smug than the bearer of an umbrella. Anxiously peering up into the stratosphere, they can’t wait for the first raindrop, when they can triumphantly burst open their rain protector and look at the rest of us fair-weather types with disdain and pity.

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